Ladies, Never Pay To Put Your “Man” Through School – Here’s Why.
I know this comment is going to take a lot of heat, however, I just thought I had to put it out there if only to prevent one more woman from getting the shaft.
There seems to be a trend going on wherein certain gentlemen stay in relationships where their partner supports their educational endeavors and upon receiving the fruits of that labor and investment the men promptly abscond; taking the time, money and sacrifice that went into helping him achieve his goal with him. Many women have sacrificed their own paychecks, and in some cases taken on additional work to support their families and the unit while these men worked to attain additional education or skills.
While in concept this tact sounds positive, since the act of achieving additional education could propel that party into a better financial sphere and hence better the lives of the entire family unit, however, in actuality what is happening instead in many cases is that these men are taking the hard earned benefits of their new stations right out the door and leaving their partner and families in the dust.
While there are no hard and fast statistics on this trend, over the years I have heard of this happening more and more. It even happened to a close member of my own family whose parents put their son-in-law through medical school only to have him start cheating on my relative very soon after starting his own practice and run off with a woman he met in Atlantic City.
What do we make of this phenomenon? Does this mean that men are selfish and opportunistic? I prefer to use the term self preservationist. Men are the quintessential self-preservationists – bottom line. There’s no judgment in that statement, it simply is a matter of fact. Knowing this fact might give clarity to women’s decision making.
Think of your partner as a business in need of capital. Imagine it, if a venture capital firm invested 50,000 in a business, if it succeeds they not only stand to recoup their initial investment but will also become paid partners within the newly formed organization and draw a hefty percentage of the profits indefinitely.
If you partner dumps you right as they have begun recouping your initial investment and you have not made the necessary contractual arrangements; well, frankly, that’s just bad business.
Think of it this way, adding another feather to his hat is like paying for him to have a makeover. If it is done right he is going to view himself differently afterwards and in some cases, may think that he has outgrown his current partner, sad but true.
So does this mean that you shouldn’t support your partner in their endeavors to improve themselves and acquire additional education and skills which may have the downstream effect of providing additional income to your family unit? I mean, perhaps… But if you do go this route there needs to be a contract written up, one which states that if the party does not share the rewards of the benefit that you singularly helped to provide that they will need to reimburse you for the time/money and overall hassle that you endured while you were supporting their process and residuals.
Think of it in terms of opportunity cost, what might you have been able to achieve if instead of putting that effort into your partner you put it into yourself instead? Sounds like a better investment to me, at least one for which you will be able to reap the rewards indefinitely.
Brandon is the author of “Why Women Are Their Own Worst Enemies!” 2012 Ajani Publishing@BrandonNKelly, http://www.WhyWomenAre.com