The Importance of Being Mean
First off, relax. I am not implying that we should all walk around punching people in throat at the slightest recrimination. Nor do I advocate base and rude culture, for people who do not say excuse me and thank you, in my opinion, should be sent off to Siberia indefinitely or worse Cleveland. But…I am encouraging us all to get in touch with our mean streak. I despise rudeness in common culture so let’s not be confused. But if we really think about it, there’s so much compromising and negotiating and accommodating going on that very few of us are getting anything close to what we want out of this life. But I have the answer, get mean. Not only do nice guys finish last they also usually end up paying the tab. This applies to women more so than men because overall men are far more comfortable screwing other people to get what they want and while there are plenty of women who do the same, the numbers are slightly fewer.
So, how can you get mean? Think of a person or a character in fiction that you know that is mean. What is the first thing to come to mind, beyond the fact that every fiber of your being tells you not to cross them? Perhaps that they do not smile much or that they generally have certain expectations that must be met or else all hell breaks loose. Anything else? Personally, when I think of a mean person I think of someone who makes it their life’s work to put their needs first and above anyone else’s. This is a good place to start. But before you can go there, how many of you really know what you want? Not just casually as in “I would like the window table at Chez Poo Poo’s,” but big picture, what do you want? How do you want to live your life? What kinds of freedoms do you need to be happy? Ok, and while a super nice person might also know the answers to these questions, I guarantee that they have let other people get in the way of these goals, way more often than a mean person would have ever allowed.
I especially want women to consider this idea of “getting mean” as we are so conditioned from a very early age – at least in America – to place “being nice” above our own desires. To be “ok” with someone else getting that promotion, to “not need more money” because the work I am doing benefits others. I am calling upon the God’s of BS to strike down all of these notions in one massive lightning strike of Bull Shit! This way of thinking is really akin to self-loathing because if you really loved yourself you would require more from others and yourself.
But for those of you who want to start getting your needs met today, making the money you deserve today, here’s to bypassing five years of over-priced therapy with two words: GET MEAN. The definition of the word mean is: “Unwilling to give up or share.” Giving up and over-haring is precisely what women do far too often. We give up so much of our time, our devotion, our affections and love and very rarely receive the same in return. We work hard at the office and make 30% less than our male peers. We are everyday giving up so much that the only way to get us on track today is to get mean. But how? I am not promoting becoming a bully or demeaning others in the process, I am simply asking that you stand up for yourself in every situation and encounter. Make certain that your needs are being met and not compromised. This may take some practice especially if you are someone who has consistently never done stood up for themselves. Try saying no to a request without providing the slew of reasons why you are declining. Men are very good at this, while women often feel compelled to explain their reasons. Say no. Try saying no three times in one day, it’s a revelation, I promise you. Suppress the need to smile immediately after, for those are mixed messages, a “No” does not precede a smile, unless you are being especially off-putting, which is unnecessary, because remember while it ok to be mean it is never ok to be rude. For it is the mean, not the meek, that have already inherited the Earth.
Brandon Kelly is the author of “Why Women Are Their Own Worst Enemies!” @BrandonNKelly www.whywomenare.com